- A metephor on life-
captain chaos

As we wait to excel,
From the bowels of a porcelain throne
The future brings a foreboding overcast 
As we wait to excel,
Excrement hail and the rain shines golden
In our hopes for rainbows and silver linings
As we wait to excel,
We only go as far as we've been
With our fantasy filled dreams
As we wait to excel,
As others seize the day
As the throne worn brittle

"Seize the day and shake vigorously
... you know ...
until it stops kicking and screaming"

My friends know my fetish for word play, to them enjoy.  
I don't have it in me to be blatant, there  just isn't any finesse to it

so I fear that the message to those that need this won't get it.

To those that this has mentally challenged
Ask and I'll reply

Life games
captain chaos

So there is this person, to protect those involved I'll refrain from mentioning names.
Those that know the man behind the mask can surmise who I'm talking about.

So there I was at this shop; where everyone knows my name, and this conversation comes up about social manipulation
and about how much power one munchkin has over another. I do my thing and observe the conversation.

In my absent minded way, I chime in my usual smart remark (so subconscious it's not worth recalling).
This caused me to be talked about but not exactly in the conversation.

This person said something to the context that she's been trying to break me of my rebellious tendencies. Her friend mention about the maturity level of being rebellious. My "Rebellious Tendencies"  me not jumping every time she calls. Some friends think even the little I do is to much.

I know my tolerance and my threshold. Sadly it has diminished for certain types of people mainly because certain health issues came into my life.  I just don't have the patience or the energy for these kinds of games.

Does this make me jaded or callous? Maybe. I endure everyday.

The Issue and the Question:
  1. Is it rebellion if an individual is manipulating you (or trying to) and your actions are more in line of declaring personal space, than in out of malicious rebellion.
  2. What are the next moves?
  3. What would any of you do?

something to grow from
captain chaos
The abandonment of desires
Brings release from endless successions
of reincarnations and rebirths ~

When we can be with another
for the joy and freedom love has to offer
We have found the way to true love and oneness

There is no secret ingredient

Something to share not certain on who or if anyone will get it.
The road I walk can't be mirrored to find this. It can be something to look towards

Have a day!!!

Food for thought
captain chaos
" If you only go as far as you've been you won't get anywhere."

"From the eye of the storm the sky is always clear. One does not see the truth that surrounds them."

Chew on them at your leisure.
If you get something from them great.

Writer's Block: Half a Glass
captain chaos
Do you consider yourself an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?
 the glass is always half full but it usually is the bottom half.

Does this make me a pessimist? ... no just a realist ...with certain issues.

(no subject)
captain chaos

 My doctor is encouraging me to go back to school feeding and nurturing my passion. I'm cool with this, just wanted to be certain everyone (all the doctors I have) were on the same page. That is on my to do list.

Dilemma :I have two passions, studio art and culinary arts (painting and cooking). Pursuit of one would mean I either move to the cities or commute to there. There other would leave me slightly incomplete satisfying part of a passion.

I'd need both in my life doesn't feel right to choose one over the other. I think I know of a way to do both. I worry the choices I make will hurt friends' feelings. That and ... the whole falling down thing and getting back up. It was a hard fall and dreading that high of passion and adrenaline, then crashing from there again.

In the mean time I'm painting. It's relaxing as a pleasant escape.

(no subject)
captain chaos

Sadly half of my wandering aimlessly was/is me fleeing myself. The other half was me finding me and/or reinventing who I am.

So who am I? I am me.

I'm grown accustom to where I am. To some that don’t know I have various health problems and I’m disabled from it. These problems happened at a high in my life., and then fell hard. I felt I had a purpose then and my life was rest.

I was lost and confused . I distracted myself from my own reality to escape it .

At first the “Wander Lust” was escaping and exploring, so I moved about the U.S.

At a point I figured out what I wanted to do. I found a passion and poured my essence into it.

It’s been suggested it was subconscious effecting the physical. I understand the interconnection between mind body and spirit, so believe the possibility of the cause and effect. I also believe it goes both ways. “What can be done, can be undone”

My spirit is going to be the hardest element to mend. It is also possibly the most damaged of the three.

Yeah I’ve become more aware of certain things but something else is needed .

"I have gone to look for myself, if I should return, before I get back, keep me here." - unknown

Is this wanderlust?
captain chaos
visited 18 states (36%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or determine the next president

Dreams and intuition
captain chaos

Here's the story. There is this friend from Oklahoma I use the term loosly cause she drives me nuts over does anything sane. 
She tracked me down onlineshe seemed to have changed and  I gave her a benefit of the doubt. Nice guy and all that. 

She had contacted me on my birthday not knowing it was my birthday we IMed and she asked if she could give out my contact info to another friend.  Iwas fine with it - I hadn't talked to this other person in forever and wanted to catch up.

So that night I had stayed at a friends house. Normally I sleep to music just helps me sleep. Well I had a couple of dreams 
The first one was I was lost in a large city. The harder I was trying to get my bearings the more lost  I got. During that I was getting various phone calls from friends that I was a wrong number. 

Second dream was after a phone call this morning.  I was fighting monsters or something in an arena . One big thing and several small ones. I delt with the big monster It disappeared or something. Then I  turned to give my attention to the smaller annoyances. 
Well when  I was dealing with the current monster (problem). Shadow was casted from behind me, over me and the monster I was fighting.

Meaning /insight: 
Dream 1: being lost, abandoned, forgotten or something along those lines. there is more there just don't know

Dream 2: Monster(problem ) delt with and ignored isn't gone and come back to bite me when I'm vulinerable dealing with other issues.

Well after I wake up  friend A from (Oklahoma) text me asking if I talked to the friend B from (oklahoma). Then she asked things are you single, how old are you, etc. Then friend A said I should hook up with friend B "You two are perfect for each other", "She needs a good man". 

Granted I am I nice guy, I have a few questionable quirks but over all. This is the icing of the conversation but I was left feeling cheap
my response: "I like her and if something was to happen fine. Neither of us should settle out of lonliness"  I hesitated on sending the message cause  I felt I was being mean or cold. I got a neutral party's opinion and they said it was fine - so it was sent.

"Do not mettle in the affairs of dragons, 
for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

That quote helped put together the dream and situation

Die Another Day- Hail to the King
captain chaos
 They say not to do these kind of things when your emotionally fucked up.
I'm learning if I don't rant it builds up and kicks the crap out of my body.

I failed once again. I know I didn't. My head does, my heart says otherwise
"We have the right to presue happiness" what that quote doesn't say is that we can presue it all we want, we just cann't aquire it. 
Maybe it's me, I'm not allowed happiness. I thought i desrved it, I've been wrong before

If someone says "your a horse"
Shrug it off
If two people say "your a horse "
Look in the mirror
If three people say "your a horse"
Buy a stable

Well I guess I'm looking for room in a stable, 'cause no one wants to know how many times I was told "Your a horse"
For those that are thinking I need some psychological help... yup that was one of the ways I was called a horse.

The other reason for me being a horse... "Nice guy syndrom"

How do I feel? Tired. Tired of pain. Tired of fusteration.

Thosae that know, know.
Everyone else can
Have a Day!!! ;oP


Log in

No account? Create an account